Fifty's First Mother's Day
by lovesfiftyshades
Summary: Just a little one-shot into the mind of a troubled four year old on Mother's Day.


**A/N: Just a little one-shot into the mind of a troubled four year old on Mothers Day…possible tissue alert?**

 **Disclaimer: This is an interpretation of copyrighted original material, with the understanding that such material is 'not for-profit' thus, constitutes fair use. The original characters of Fifty Shades of Grey are owned by E L James. The original content, ideas, characters and intellectual property of this story are owned by lovesfiftyshades as of 2015. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual. No copyright infringement is intended. All rights for Fifty Shades of Grey belong to E L James.**

 **Fifty's First Mother's Day**

My new mommy always wakes me up, especially on this day. It's the day after we don't have to go to school, the day after we get to do stuff all day. It's the day we have to go to that place all dressed up and be really quiet. They talk about this man named god who loves me. Men are bad, no man is good, and I'm a bad boy so that man could not love me. My new mommy's man, she say's he's my new daddy...he says he loves me. But he never wakes me up. Today he is in my room early. I need my blanket, I must be in trouble.

"Christian, son wake up." I'm awake but I don't want to open my eyes. As long as my eyes are closed, maybe he won't hit me with the belt or kick me. Something must have happened to my new mommy. My heart is hurting, I don't think my heart will be able to take another mommy leaving me.

"Christian," my new daddy calls again. "Son, wake up. We are going down stairs to make breakfast for Mom."

My eyes pop open on their own. Did he say make breakfast for Mom? If she is able to eat breakfast, then there is food, and she is able to eat, and she hasn't left us.

"Come on, Christian; it's mommy's day; the day we treat mommy really special all day." Lelliot is here; on the other side of my bed, smiling and holding out his hand for me. This must be okay if Lelliot is here. I'll get up and go with them, only because Lelliot is here; and I'll take my blanket...just in case.

"Run brush your teeth, son," my new daddy, at least that's what they say he is, tells me.

I run in my bathroom, use the potty, brush my teeth and I comb my hair. Well, my new mommy always asks me to comb my hair as part of what I do in the mornings. My new daddy must not know what I'm supposed to do when I get up. See, that's why I need my new mommy here.

We get to the kitchen and there are papers and crayons spread across the table. I thought we were cooking breakfast.

My new daddy kneels down in front of me and my new big brother.

"Boys, today is Mother's Day. It's a special day when we honor our mothers. Now I want both of you to draw your mom a picture while I make breakfast and then we are going to take breakfast, and the pictures up to her and serve her breakfast in bed. Can you do that for me, Elliott? Christian?"

"Yes, sir." Lelliot says. I shake my head up and down. All the words are in my head, but they are not ready to come out yet, especially not for this man.

"I have written out the words 'Happy Mother's Day' for you to copy somewhere on your paper. Other than that, draw or color anything you want."

The man leaves us and he begins to cook. It smells good and I'm really hungry. He said we are feeding my new mommy breakfast in bed; I wonder if we will get anything to eat? Maybe if I'm a really good boy.

I get busy with my picture. My new mommy always says I'm really good at drawing for such a little fellow, that's what she always says.

I take my time to make sure it's perfect. I write out the letters just like Lelliott is doing and like the man, my new daddy said.

He comes over and takes a look at what we are doing and tells us our pictures look amazing and that my new mommy is going to love them. I drew a picture on the wall for my other mommy once, we didn't have any paper and I found a pencil on the floor. While I was hiding in the closet one day, trying not to listen to her and the mean men in the room with her, I decided to draw. When the mean men were gone, and after my other mommy woke up, I showed her. She cried. I hoped to make her happy, and not even my drawing could make her smile. She said she liked it and it was a pretty picture, but she cried.

What if my new mommy cries when she sees my picture? This man doesn't leave like my other mommy's men; he might get mad at me if I make my new mommy cry. He said the pictures are amazing; I guess I'll have to wait and see what new mommy does.

My new daddy has a huge basket in his hand and says we are ready to go upstairs. I don't see the food, unless he hid it in the basket. Maybe he only wants new mommy to eat and I don't get any food today. New mommy always gets me up and gives me food, this new man does not know I eat every morning.

Lelliott, and the new man go toward the stairs and look back to see if I am coming. I get my picture and my blanket and follow along.

When we open the door to new mommy's bedroom, she is sitting up in the bed reading. The man puts the basket down on a table and Lelliott jumps up on the bed and into new mommy's arms.

"Happy Mother's Day, Mom." He tells her and she kisses him on his cheek.

She looks at me and smiles the biggest, prettiest smile. I think she is the prettiest person I have ever seen. And she always smells so good. I especially love to smell her hair when she leans down to kiss my face sometimes. I want so much to ask her to let me smell her hair. Every night, when I have a bad dream, she comes to my room and gets in the bed with me. When she puts her head on the pillow, she is really close to me and I can smell her hair then.

"Christian, sweetheart; can you climb up here and give mommy a kiss like Elliott did?"

New mommy does not touch me where it hurts. She will only touch my head or my arms where so far, it's okay and I like her touch there.

I have to let go of something to crawl up in the bed; I let go of my blanket and sit on the bed.

"Christian, can you give your mother a kiss?" My new daddy asks me in his indoor voice and he is being very nice today.

I put my picture down and scoot over to where my new mommy is. She doesn't touch me but she leans down and let's me kiss her cheek. Hmmm...I stay close for just a second so I can take in her perfect smell. Somehow it makes me feel calm.

"Thank you my sweet boy." She looks me right in the eye and she continues to smile. I try to smile back but that part of my face does not work very well. I wish I could tell her how good she smells.

"Boys, why don't you give your mother the pictures you drew for her and then we'll have breakfast."

"Me first," Lelliott yells; "'Cause I'm the oldest."

Lelliott is back on the bed and showing new mom his picture.

"Elliott, tell me about your picture." New mom pulls Lelliott onto her lap while he describes his drawing. I can't to that. I will probably make her cry, because I'm a bad boy.

"This is the park, all the grass is green. And this is a swing that I like. This is me on the swing. This is Christian on the swing too. And that's you and Dad standing behind us to push us. Well, Dad will push me. You'll probably have to talk to Christian so he won't be scared."

"That is a beautiful picture Elliott, thank you so much. Did you write Happy Mother's Day all by yourself?"

"Yes, ma'am I did."

"Well, you did an excellent job. Thank you very much."

Elliott slides off her lap and new mommy looks at me. She has the prettiest blue eyes, sometimes I feel like she is looking inside me.

"Christian, did you draw a picture, too?" I nod my head, no words today. With my picture in hand, I move closer to my new mommy.

I slowly hand over the picture. New mommy looks at it and her eyes fill up with water.

"Christian," she says, as her voice stutters. "Is this our family?" I shake my head again. She gets it; she understands what I put down on paper. They are my new mommy and new daddy and new big bother Lelliott. I drew a house with a nice man who smiles, a mommy who looks like an angel with a white coat, one brother Lelliott and one brother Christian. Everyone has a smile, in this family everyone is nice and no one yells or hurts anyone.

She has pointed to all the people and called them by name; Dad, Mom, Lelliott and Christian.

I look up at her and she's crying. Oh no, I knew it. I made new mommy cry. I hate myself, I need my blanket. I scoot away fast. I am so bad, I know I am in trouble.

New mommy looks at me and she knows I need something to hold. Where is my blanket? She reaches for the blanket and I think she's reaching for me so I scream.

"Carrick, hand me Christians blanket."

New daddy always does as new mommy says.

New mommy hands me my blanket and I hold on tight.

"Sweetheart, I love the picture more than anything. I am crying good, happy tears. I am not sad or upset with you. I love the picture but most of all I love you. I am so happy you are my son. You and Elliott make me the happiest mom in the world. I love both of you so much."

New mommy puts her arm around Lelliott and reaches out to take my hand. It's okay for her to hold my hand.

"Did I hear something about you boys bringing me breakfast? I sure am hungry."

New daddy says breakfast is ready; I sure wish we could eat.

I look over to the table where he placed the basket and there are four plates with pancakes, bacon and yogurt. New mommy loves yogurt; Lelliott doesn't like it. I love to eat it.

"I brought breakfast for everyone, a little 'bedroom picnic'" New daddy tells us.

Food. We have food. And my new mommy is smiling so brightly and the man, my daddy, is smiling, too. I don't want them to ever find out what my other mommy and the mean men know, that I'm really bad on the inside. The mean men told me all the time, and my mommy just looked sad when they told me so it must be true. I am going to try really had to do what they say, especially my new mommy. She is so nice and smells so good and her eyes are so blue when she looks at me.

And my daddy, I guess I shouldn't say new because I never had a daddy before. He does not raise his voice and he's never been mean to me. If I do what he says, maybe he won't know I'm bad on the inside; maybe he won't kick me or beat me with the belt.

And Lelliott...my heart tingles when I think about him. He takes care of me, and talks to me all the time. He tries to do anything to help me. I know he really wants me to use my words. Maybe I will use them just with him.

Mother's Day. We are eating and everyone is smiling and happy. I like this place and these people. I hope it will always be just like today. I don't want to ever go back to the cold little place with the sticky green carpet and no food. The place where the mean men come and hurt me, and hurt my old mommy...the place where they took my old mommy away when she wouldn't wake up. I only go there in my dreams now.

I sure hope this is not a dream...my new family. I want this to be real so bad. Somehow I think I'll wake up one day and all this will have been a dream...

 **A/N: The turmoil in the mind of our precious Fifty on his first Mother's Day. I believe we know from the books he had a horrible problem with self-loathing, he never believed his family loved him and, well...we know what the B-Troll did to him. The mind of an intelligent little four or five year old had to be extremely wise and aware of the circumstances around him. I know this was a little dark...but it's how I pictured little Christian's mind reeling on his first Mother's Day with Grace. Totally a one-shot...no desire to keep delving into the mind of a troubled child. Happy Mother's Day! (So glad we know the rest of the story and the happy ending!)**


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